I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
