Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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