Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
