Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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