Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
