Yo dont text me then not text me
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
