sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
