Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
