My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
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