my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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