On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
