i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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