remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
