and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
