he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
