Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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