with your own penis?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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