Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
