WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
