It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
