Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
