i jhust puked up my retainher.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
