my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
