When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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