Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
