The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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