I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
