doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
