Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
