I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
