Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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