I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
