Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize