he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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