I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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