We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
