Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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