we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
