____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize