Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I can't turn off my feet"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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