I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
