I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
a bad idea.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated