I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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