my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
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Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
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pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!