I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
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So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
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Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...