I'm going to jail i love you
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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