we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.