I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
