a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
