No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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