How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
