How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
