hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
