there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
