last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
