you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
