Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
