upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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