i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
