She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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