What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
