She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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