D3 body, D1 cock
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
