the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
