Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
