I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
