you traded sex for a burrito?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
