This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
