I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
