I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
