Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
