Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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