with your own penis?
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
