She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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