I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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