hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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