i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
